New Tattoos!!!

I got 2 new tattoos today!!! YAY! Lol But i talked to my mom like 8 times today because she kept calling me saying stupid shit like "It says in the bible that if you have tattoos then you go to hell", and "i think their trashy and everyone will think your a slut." And just silly things like that to try to talk me out of it lol, but i already made up my mind and i was gonna get them. She was just upset that i wanted more tattoos, because she doesnt like them...

Anyway! My first tattoo that i got today is my star on my arm made out of music notes....

And this one only took about 30 minutes and it didnt hurt like at all. I saw this design online and fell in love with it!

Then the other tattoo that i got is my on my neck and its just 7 simple music notes and i think its beautiful!....

I do think that my G clef could be a little fancier tho, like with a little bigger circle at the top...but i didnt want it very big and that would have made it a lot bigger...and this tattoo is also free handed so there was no stencil. All in all i love my tattoos!

And you know that now i have 3 total because i got that star on my back for my 18th birthday....

Jace also got 2 tattoos today! He got the word "Love" in red on his left arm and the word "Life" in red on his right arm...and both are in Hebrew....

These are not the last tattoos that i plan on getting, i also plan on getting a Trebel Clef in the middle of my back...and i plan on finishing the stars that i want to go up my back to my right shoulder...but i gotta save up for those! lol

Ceremony Site

Ok so i think i found the most beautiful spot in the world to have my wedding at. Its called Almost Heaven. It is on the top of a mountain in Gatlinburg Tennessee, this mountain faces the Smokey Mountains.

All the way up the mountain are these beautiful little cabins that can be rented out for the bridal party and grooms party, and in my case i will be using one of them for my reception because the place beside the ceremony site is way to expensive...$500.00 an hour!!! When i could use one of the cabins and pay $500.00 a night! Lol Then when you get to the very top of this mountain you park and your beside the building that could be used for the reception...then you walk behind that building and you see beautiful green grass and an archway, and a gazebo, and nothing but blue sky and an untouched beautiful side of the Smokey Mountains! It is amazing!

And these packages are really amazing...see iv been trying to put my wedding together to have it here in Macon and the church i chose wanted at least $500.00 just to rent and an extra $300.00 for the reception and an extra $150.00 for the janitor to clean after us. Then the florist wanted at least $300.00 for flowers. Then photographer wanted $1,800.00.

But the package that i want is the Sun Set Package where you get a complete ceremony (all decorations included) for up to 100 guests, a photographer to take as many photos as i want and the package comes with 20 5x7 photos, 3 8x10, and 1 16x20 canvas and you can add more if you want, a fresh bridal bouquet, a maid of honor bouquet, 2 bridesmaids bouquets, 5 boutonnieres, 2 mothers corsages and 2 nights lodging in one of the cabins. And you get all of this for $2,500.00! And i was going to use one of the larger cabins for my 2 nights lodging and reception (has room for 18 to sleep) so my bridal party can come up the day before the wedding (bridesmaids and groomsmen) and spend the night, and they can spend the night after the wedding...so its like a vacation for everyone! Lol

And i can also have them cater my reception for just $100.00 more.

So i think its perfect, now i do understand that many people might find it hard to travel that far just for a wedding...so i was thinking that it could just be a family thing but im also going to invite some show choir people too. And i know that my bridal party shouldnt have any objections in comming because they would get a weekend vacation! lol

I love it, tell me what you think!

I should just shut the fuck up.....

Ok so iv recently realized that im an extremely annoying person...and i guess iv known that for years, like ever since elementary school, i guess i was just hoping i would grow out of it but i really dont think i have or ever will.
I really dont understand how anyone can spend anytime with me and enjoy the time. I just never shut up, and all i talk about are stupid things too, i just feel so immature for my age, im really suprised that anyone likes me, but to be honest i dont think that many people do. Im immature, stupid, and dont shut up.
What started this was i was looking at some old pictures from school (just high school pics and show choir) and trying to get my guest list started for the wedding, but in every picutre that i looked at I just feel like i stood out and didnt fit in anywhere, even in show choir! And thats the first time iv ever felt like that with show choir! But i mean i just remember some of the conversations that i had with people back then and i just feel like they were stressed...with everyone. Like you know that person that you can hardly tolerate just being in the same room with, let alone when that person talks to you, you just want to quickly end the conversation because their so stupid you just really dont want to be talking to them...Well i feel like that person with everyone... with Morgan, Cady, even Trey. I just feel so annoying, like everything i say (no matter what it is) gets on everyones nerves.
Im really suprised that anyone would say that they want to come to my wedding, i just really dont think anyone cares.
And i dont know if im just in a bad mood or what, but i just really feel bad about myself. Like Trey used to always get on to me when i was taking voice from him because i would keep saying that i cant do something because i really cant sing...and of course he would say that i was crazy because if i couldnt sing then i wouldnt be in show choir, and i would feel a little better...But whatever was bringing me down then, is obviously still doing it now, because i still feel like i cant sing worth shit, and i feel like im one of the most hated people in the world and the ugliest...i dont even understand how Jace can stand me.
And i just cant stand that feeling! I keep telling myself that im stupid for thinking that but then that just makes me feel worse. I just really need someone (other then Jace) to talk to, to be able to confide in. Because i just feel so out of sorts, and out of the loop. I dont feel like im included in anything that goes on anymore with any of my friends. No one ever leaves me comments or messages just to say "hi", or "i miss you", its like they will do it for other people, but not me...and im like "ok well i guess no one misses me, not like im much to miss anyway." Maybe it has something to do with being so stressed from wedding planning...i dont know.
I just feel like i need to get away for a day or something. Like let my mom watch Makayla and give Jace a free day, and just go hang out with some friends...if i can actually find someone that i dont annoy.

Gown......

Ok so i just got back from David's Bridal...and i found the gown of my dreams!

Isnt it beautiful? Its a little poofier than what the pictures show becauses i tried it on again with a fluffier slip but didnt take pictures.

And i feel like this dress was ment for me. The only one that they had in store was my size! And its originally $1050.00. But until Monday its $300.00 off! So its only $750.00.

And since its my size in store they can put it on layaway for 25%. That means 25% of the total with the dress, bra, and extra poofy slip. Which the total plus tax is $950.16 give or take a few pennies. And 25% of that would only be $237.54.

And Jace gets paid tomorrow so i thought that i would be able to go back up there tomorrow and put my dress on layaway because they cant hold it unless we do that. And since they sell off the rack then if i dont hurry and pay that 25% and put it on layaway then someone else might get it. And if that happens then i will have to order the dress. Which means that i would have to pay the full price ($1050.00) up front(they dont do layaway for orders) before they can even order it...and it takes at least 18 weeks to order and recieve. And that would be to long. And it would take me about that long to just get up that much money!

So i came home and told Jace knowing that he would be able to give me the money tomorrow. But he said that since he was planning to take me to Atlanta for a romantic getaway next weekend that he cant give me the $237.54 so i could get the dress.....he says its just a dress and he cares more about taking me to Atlanta for the weekend than the wedding anyway!

He said that im selfish because i think that i deserve the dress of my dreams even though its not even that much....as long as i put it on layaway by monday night then all we will have to pay for the dress is $750.00 in all! And thats not that much for a wedding dress. But he would rather take me to Atlanta, he said its just a dress and i should just pick another one, because anyone that pays more that $100.00 for a wedding gown is crazy because they only wear it once.

Well i think he's crazy if he thinks that i can find a beautiful gown for just $100.00.

Its just not fair because i feel like this gown was ment for me because all i have to pay is $237.54 to be able to get the dress of my dreams!

But he wont give me the money....and thats the only dress that i truly feel happy in. But if we dont get it now then i wont get it because if he wont even pay $750.00 then i know he wont pay $1050.00!

Its just not fair, because if i dont truly feel happy with the dress that i buy then it will completely mess up the entire wedding...all i need is $237.54...i just have to find a way to come up with it.

Wedding planning

(Click on the pictures to make them bigger)

Ok so i found the wedding hair style that i want to do. Its the updo to the left and i think its beautiful. And i think that im pretty lucky because i have an aunt that does hair so im sure that she can do mine free of charge. And this color that im writing in will be the color of the bridesmaids dresses. My colors are pool and white.

Im getting really excited!! I love wedding planning its so much fun. And Morgan, thanks for telling me to go to weddingwire.com its extremely helpful!

And iv picked out 2 dresses. This is the dress that i would die to have!

The only thing is that it is an Allure Bridals dress and they have a store in Atlanta, but their website doesnt have prices, so i will have to go to Atlanta and try on the dress and see how much it will cost. And its probably going to be a good bit of money or at least thats what im guessing because it just looks like it would cost a lot.

The other dress that i picked is from Davids Bridal, and its really pretty too. Its a back up dress just in case the one at Allure is to expensive. I couldnt copy the picture the DavidsBridal.com had of their model wearing the dress but i found an ok picture of it on google. Its a little basic but thats what i really like about it. And its shinny, and you can never go wrong with that! lol

As for the wedding its self, we set the date for Saturday May 30th 2009. And its going to be an evening wedding. Were going to have the rehearsal dinner on Friday May 29th

And i have also picked the dresses that my bridesmaids will be wearing! Their at Davids Bridal too. I think my bridesmaids will look great in these. My MOH is Morgan and Cady and Angela are my other 2 bridesmaids. Now i just have to go to Davids Bridal and pick out the shoes that will look good with the dress.

So my hair will be free, and my cake is going to be free because my cousin makes wedding cakes for a living and shes not going to charge me for mine. And my other cousin is a perfessional videoagrapher and that will be free too. Now I just have to find a photographer, and a cateror...and a florist, and i have to find someone to do my makeup. And i have to find someome that can burn a CD with the songs i need on it, i already picked the songs i just need to put them on a CD.

And oh yea, i still have to make sure that its not to much money to do the ceremony at the Hay House...because i was also thinking its alreay January, and i dont know how popular the Hay House is for weddings, they might already be booked up for May. But if they are, i have a church in mind that would be good too.

SICK....

Ok so it is 4:45am on early Tueaday morning and i am up because i cant sleep...i have had a stupid cold all week and i feel like crap!

Im used to my stupid sinuses draining like almost every time the seasons change but this is different, this is an actual full blown cold!

You know that feeling where your head is really stopped up but at the same time your nose is running and you almost cant feel it running until it starts to come out of your nose... and it makes you feel like you have a fever but you dont...and i also have a bad cough because im so congested in my chest.

And just to top it all off, i lost my voice the other day, completely! Like i couldnt make a sound, and for anyone who knows me, its very difficult for me to just go a short period of time without saying something, so just think about the fact that i had to go almost a full 24 hours before at least a little bit of sound came back into my voice.

And it made me feel really bad too, i had to go a whole day not talking to Makayla, and that was really harder for me then anything else. I mean Jace plays with her for a bit but then he sets her in her boppy and lets her watch cartoons so he can do his own thing and if she doesnt whine, he could leave her there for hours...but i dont do that.

I usually make sure that i spend at least an hour playing with her before i set her down to play by herself. Unless she just wants to be put down, because shes getting to the point where she just wants to sit down and play with her theathing ring or little dolly. And then i dont let her sit there but for maybe an hour before i play with her somemore, i dont want her to just sit there, shes need to spend some time with us and get some tummy time too...

But anyways, Jace never really talks to her much, like when i change her i usually talk to her and tell her what im doing because its good for her to watch us talk it will make it easier for her to pick it up later, and also it entertains her. But when Jace changes her he doesnt say a word, or do anything to make her laugh. He doesnt do any of the things that i usually do, and it made me feel like that made her have a bad day since i couldnt talk...

I think i used up almost a whole freakin notebook the other day trying to talk to Jace and tell him what to do with her.

I felt like it was kind of scaring her too, like when i would hold her the other day because i usually talk to her and laugh with her and just spend time with her, but since i couldnt the other day then one of the times when i was holding her she looked at me and was just staring like she was thinking, "ok why are you not talking to me?"

And it made me feel so bad but then i felt a little better when i looked at her and smiled and she smiled back at me.

As for today, i have my voice back some, i still sound really squeeky, lol i sound like a boy when his voice changes. And it always worries me when i loose my voice, like im always afraid that when it comes back that ill be an alto! AHH! lol

But i still have a really stuffy head today and a really bad cough.

Im sure its just a stupid head cold from my sinuses draining, its not contagous but im still not getting in Makayla's face just to make sure. And im trying not to strain my voice any more then i have to.