LOL little house wife

So since we moved into our apartment I have taken my duties of cooking and cleaning very seriously LOL I'm so proud of this place and I want to keep it looking its best. And I have been baking like crazy I found my red hat society cookbook and I have been baking cookies, cakes I even made some homemade banana nut bread yesterday. LOL I feel like the regular little house wife LOL. And jace is loving it I think getting a place of our own was exactly what we needed. This is the happiest we have been since we got married LOL. Now my marriage is doing great we never fight anymore, and makayla is getting bigger everyday and she's learning new words. And in about 4 more months will have a baby sister or brother. We find out what the sex of the baby is on the 26th and I will be sure to let everyone know.

YES!!! Park at Northside here we come!!!

Ok so yesterday we paid the $350 deposit on the apartment, on the 19th we will be siging the lease and moving stuff in!!! YES!!! I can finally get out of the hell that is my in-laws back yard!!! Im so happy I could scream!
Now were going to need all the help we can get moving stuff because the only weekend days Jace has off this month is the 19th (sunday) and the 25th (saturday) and I dont know if we can get everything moved in just two days lol. So if anyone is free either of those days and wouldn't mind helping, please give me a call (478)321-5386 thats my cell number. Cause we really need people to help us move!!! ;D

Yay!

Ok so today we found out that water births and midwives and doula's are all covered under my insurance as long as I do it in a hospital!!! So im excited about that. And Jace gets paid this comming Friday and were going to use some of that money to put into the deposit for the apartment and hopfully move in, in the next few weeks.
Makayla is trying her hardest to crawl lol but hasnt quite got the corrdination yet.
I will be 14 weeks preggo tomorrow! And I am already having problems with my pants. My blue jeans feel like they choke me everytime I sit in them. Lol
Luckally I dont have to go out and buy a whole new wordrobe this time! Because the majority of clothes I have now, are maternity! Yay. I have like 3 pair of maternity blue jeans, 3 dressy maternity pants and lots of tops! But of course I will go shopping for more clothes because since I worked at Motherhood they said that I can get a discount lol. Even though im not working there anymore lol.
Makayla is loving her baby food!! OMG, she eats a whole plate of baby cereal every morning for breakfast, then I give her some fruit for lunch, she loves bananas and pears! She usually eats the whole plastic container of fruit. Then i give her veggies for dinner, and she is going to turn into a squash because she loves it so much.
But im happy shes doing to good with her eating, shes 7 months old and weighes 17 lbs. Lol I get my work out everytime I pick her up and expecially when I play "super baby" with her lol omg. I swing her a few times then have to stop becaues shes heavy lol. She has also been off her morning does of antiseziure meds for a few days now and by the 20th will be completely off her meds!!! And shes doing great, shes had no problems at all! Jace is making great money since he's working at AT&T. Like were making more money then my dad lol and he's been working at his job for 25 years lol. Were excited about the new baby on the way, lol it wasnt really planned to be this soon lol but we cant wait. And Jace has been doing the same thing that he did when I was pregnant with Makayla, he sings to my belly and talks to the baby at night when were laying in bed and I love it when he does that.
So lifes going pretty good right now, I love my family and couldnt ask for anything more.

Morning sickness...ha!

So far this is turning out to be a little rougher pregnancy than what I had with Makayla. Still not out of the norm though.
When I was pregnant with Makayla I only got sick twice, once from morning sickness when I was stupid and drank chocolate milk for breakfast (chocolate milk didnt sit well on my stomach in my first trimester). And the other time was when we went out to church and I just got really neausas and got sick. No big deal right?
Lol, well so far with this baby, I have gotten sick almost every morning for the past two months! Usually five out of seven days a week, im sick. And I've lost a little weight from it, and that sucks.

However, I am thankfully in my 2nd trimester now!!! I still get neausas if I go to long without eating but nothing serious that I cant deal with. So im thankful for that but, im still really tired, like for instance, im supposed to be cleaning right now. I said that I would clean the bathroom (just needs to be wiped down again and mopped) and the kitchen (a few dishes need to be done and floor mopped) and the living room (needs to be straightened). But I havnt done anything yet because it seems like everytime I get up off the sofa to do something I get lightheaded and really tired.

I went to the doctor and he said that I might have a medical reason for still being so tired. He took a lot of blood and said that everything came back normal except my thyroid. He said that my thyroid hormone levels are slighty lower then normal which can cause extreme fatigue during pregnancy. But he said that its nothing to worry about because its not to low. He said that there is a condition called "hypothyroidism" where the thyroid doesnt produce enough hormone during pregnancy and that can cause the baby's IQ to drop slightly, or for the baby to develop motor skills a little slower. And the only way to fix it would be to give the mother hormone treatment. However, my doctor said that my levels are no where near that low, so theres nothing to worry about. He will check my blood again when I go back on the 21st just to see if its gone up any.

So thats a little aggrivating, lol im supposed to be feeling better and back to normal again at this point, but im still really tired. It just makes it kind of hard to be a good mother and wife because if im not feeding or playing with Makayla im supposed to be cleaning and cooking...but I just dont have that much energy. And Jace still gets pissed at me because he still thinks this is a "mind of matter" situation. And I'v tried to explain to him that, during pregnancy it just doesnt work that way, expecially if im feeling tired for another reason other then just normal pregnancy symptoms. He tells me to get up and do some cleaning but dont push myself. But what he doesnt understand is that just getting off the sofa and walking to the kitchen and washing one dish is exhausting to me.

But hopfully I will feel better soon so I dont have to listen to him yell anymore...at least not about that lol.

Thinking about a Birthing Pool...

Ok so iv been thinking...and if any of you read my last blog you would know that i am 13 weeks pregnant tomorrow. Yup, baby number 2!!
But, iv been thinking about my labor and delivery that i had with Makayla. Other then being long and drawn out (which im hoping this one wont be so long) because i was in labor with Makayla for 27 hours before she finally poped out lol. And i only pushed for about an hour, but i was so freaking tired from such a long labor i didnt have the strength to push her out without help from the doctor. And its my own fault because everyone was telling me that when i start having contractions to eat lightly because i dont know how quickly my labor will progress and eating a lot will probably make me sick...well i should have never listened to them because the lack of food (all i ate in 27 hours was a milkshake and a large fry from Wendy's then ice chips in the hospital) is what made me to weak to push her out myself; resulting in Dr. Durkee having to use that stupid vaccum to get her out which gave her a big bruse on her head, making her have those stupid seziures. Lol so at least i know this time that i need to eat more during labor!!!
But i also know of another reason why i couldnt push her out very well...i couldnt feel a damn thing down there!! Which in a way thats good, but i think that if i could have felt where she was, and actually felt my contractions, i would have been able to push more affeciently.
And i also think that i would have been able to handel the pain, because i went threw the first and second stages of my labor with no problems. I even walked around the mall to see if it would move faster!
And yes i had to stop and breath, but it wasnt anything i couldnt handel.

So here's what im thinking....with this baby, i want to have a natural delivery (absolutly no drugs!!). And iv been looking up information on birthing tubs for water births, i dont know yet if i would actually want to give birth in the water. But i do know that i would love to relax in one during labor up until i have to get out and push. And at The Medical Center, they have labor and delivery rooms with large jacuzzi tubs for women to use for relaxing threw the labor and then delivering in the bed, and im very interested in that. But im still looking into the water birthing tubs too, for just in case i decide to try it. The only thing is that i dont think that The Medical Center will let you bring in a birthing tub (becaues they dont have them). So if i decided to go all the way and give birth in the water, i would have to find a Dula or Midwife and do it at home...and im not sure i would feel completely comfortable with that. Because if something did go wrong i would have to be rushed to the hospital, but if i just do the natural birth and use the tub at the hospital for the labor and give birth in the bed, we would already be at the hospital in case something went wrong.

Well im 100% sure that the vaccum making that bruse on Makayla's head is what made her have those sezuires, and so is all of the doctors iv seen and talked to. So thats not really a concern for me, i didnt have any problems with my labor and just needed assistance with the delivery because i didnt eat and was to weak to do it myself. So im hoping that everything will go smoothly with this pregnancy, labor and delivery...smoothly enough for me to have a natural birth, and possible even a water birth. I still have to think about it somemore and figure out exactly what i want to do...but i want input, so comment and tell me what you think.

Today...

Okidoki, so today is Jace's 21st birthday!!! YAY He's excited to be 21 but at the same time doesnt really care because he doesnt really drink that much lol. But whoever reads this should give him a call (478-361-0989) because he's not feeling well today and he is having a hard day at work. So im sure he would love for friends to call him and wish him a happy birthday....so as for me, im happy he's 21 because i am not ashamed to admit that i enjoy a wine cooler, and somethimes a little stronger drinks every now and then. He can buy now lol, but it doesnt really matter right now because i cant drink...i guess i should tell people now, im 12 weeks and 5 days PREGNANT! It came as quite a suprise, i havnt been feeling well for the past few months but i didnt really think anything of it. But i went to the doctor and he confirmed it lol. But dont write anything about it on my facebook, i have family i havnt told yet on my facebook. We were definitly suprised, but were definitly happy and yes i know it will be hard having a 14 month old and a new born but im glad that they can grow up together, i always wanted a sister or brother when i was growing up, then i finally got a little brother when i was 12. But by then i didnt really want one anymore lol. And Jace and i always talked about having a big family, lol we were planning on waiting until Makayla was 2 then trying for a boy, so its just a little sooner then expected. But were very excited!...Lol i guess im proof that if you want your birth control to be 100% affective, make sure not to skip any pills lol. I only missed 2 because i forgot to take them over a weekend we had to ourselves lol. So exciting stuff going on, we will be moving into our apartment hopfully the end of April, and Makayla's trying to crawl, were making good money and paid off a lot of bills and now baby #2 is on its way! Lol

Raining

So its Saturday the 28th and its raining...I love days like this when I have no reason to leave the house. It kind of sucks when you have things you have to get out and do though lol. But just being able to sit at home and listen to the rain hitting the windows and air conditioner (which is a window unit) and just relax, ahhh...its so nice. Iv just been playing with Makayla and resting on the sofa all day and i dont get to many days like this. Usually if I dont do something to clean the house by the time Jace gets home then I get bitched out about how im lazy and never do anything but sleep all day and take care of Makayla and how I need to get my butt i gear and be responsible and do my job. Even though I usually never go a day without cleaning unless im honestly to sick to get out of bed or off the sofa. Well im going to have an actual lazy day today and i dont really give a shit what he says. Everyone deserves a little down time and time to themselves and just because im a stay at home mom, i never really get "lazy days" because if im not playing with Makayla im cleaning or cooking....so im going to enjoy my day today!!! :D

She actually came threw...

Ok so the other day I posted a blog about the fact that my mom said that she was going to buy us some living room furniture. Knowing my mom and how she is (and Jace knowing as well) we didnt really have our hopes up. She usually comes up with excuses to get out of it. For example, Saturday we agreed that if it wasnt pooring down rain by noon that we would meet at Farmers Furniture. She just told us to call her after Jace's meeting at 9am and after we went and paid Sprint for my phone (thats newly reactivated by the way ;) call me 478-321-5386). So as Makayla and I sat in the car while Jace was inside the Sprint store i called my mom, no answer.

So i tried again...still no answer. So I finally just left her a message after like the 8th try and said, "well i was just going to let you know that its not raining and we just paid Sprint so we're on our way to your house to pick you up, just letting you know we'll be there in 15." Lol so as we turned into Lake Wild Wood she called back and said that Steve (my stepdad) wanted her to stay home, something about him being mad at her because she didnt clean. But anyway she said that she wasnt going to be able to go today because he was really upset. Lol but when we got there, Steve was outside and Jace asked him if it was ok if we borrowed my mom for about an hour. Steve said, "Yea i dont care." Jace told him what my mom said about him being mad at her, and he said, "Theres no telling what she'll say to get out of things."



So we went inside and my mom had just got out of bed!! Not like thats very suprising lol. But Jace said, "Steve said he's not mad at you and that we can borrow you for an hour." Lol dont you just love how he called her out like that? Lol I thought it was funny, because then she started to think of more excuses to not have to go.
She said things like, "Well they might not even approve me for the cost since I havnt been in my new job that long. And it takes more then an hour to do a credit check."
So Jace said that he talked to the woman at the store and she said that just to do a credit check only takes about 10 minutes. Lol so needless to say we ended up making her go.

So anyway, the good news is even though she put up a fight because she didnt feel like going that day, she still got us furniture so she actually came threw, for once!! And it will be arriving on the 23rd...so Monday week!!
Be excited!

Apartment news...

Ok so we finally found an apartment! The Park at Northside has a 3 bed room 2 bath 1275 square feet flat apartment that we plan on moving into no later then the end of next month. It is a gated community, and has a big pool that goes to 8 feet deep, and it also has a fenced in playground. We have been looking for about the past month, were only going to have to pay $650 a month for this apartment, we were interested in another apartmnt in warner robins that had a 3 bed room 2 bath but it had less square footage and they wanted more for it. Like about $800 a month! So i think we found ourselves a pretty good deal.



On another note, when i told my mom that we found an apartment and will be moving in next month she said that she wanted us to go to Farmers Furniture and pick out a living room suit and since she has an account there then she will pay for it. So we went today and picked out a really nice set that includes a sofa, loveseat and chair, and a coffee table and 2 end tables. Theres a pic of it that i found on google below...its not the exact ones that were getting but its almost the same.

So yea things are going pretty good...ill try to keep everyone updated. I havent really had much time to write the past few weeks but ill start making more time to update.

So....

So...me and Jace are fighting, again. For like the past 2 months we havnt been able to go just one day without him bitching me out for something.
Im just sick of his bullshit, and of him thinking that i should be the one doing everything just because he works. He thinks that just because he works (outside the house) that he should have the right to come home and sit on his lazy ass and just watch movies and play video games all night while i take care of the house, the food, and Makayla; even though he knows that i havnt been feeling well the past few weeks and that i really need his help. Well im glad to know that i sqrewed up his fucking life....

On another note, im excited because i get to see my Cady and Morgan!!! YAY! Im so excited!

And thats about it, i have a doctors app monday and other then that im free all week, so call me if you want to make plans!

I guess i should give an update

For the past few weeks things have been going good i guess. Iv been working my ass off trying to get this house clean but for some reason it still doesnt feel as "clean" as i want it to be. Makayla had to go to the Nuralogist last Monday and he said that shes doing great and since she hasnt had anymore seziures since the day after she was born we can start to wein her off her medician. Specially since shes getting so big and the fact that with us still giving her the same dose she got when she was 3 days old, he said that if she were to have another seziure that low of a dose wouldnt even stop it lol. Last Monday Makayla also had to go to the normal doctor and get shots she missed last month because no one called and reminded us of our apt. So now shes going to be a week or so late getting her 6 month shots...I hate those stupid things, they make her really cranky and she cant sleep well at night because her legs are sore and she gets really tempermental...like i could pick her up and kiss her and say something to her and she would laugh...then do the same thing again 10 minutes later and her just start crying for no reason...lol its like you have to be careful what you say and how you act with her because she gets sad really easy after those stupid shots.

As for me im doing really well. Just trying to be a full time mommy and take care of myself and stuff. Sounds easy right? Well its really a lot harder then you would think. Trying to take care of a 5 month old and keep her on a schedule and still trying to clean the house everyday (because to me its still a mess) and have dinner ready for Jace when he gets home and take care of myself at the same time can be a pretty difficult task, specially when Kayla-Bug gets in a mood where she doesnt want to be put down lol and shes getting so heavy now, theres no way i could carry her around and clean at the same time lol. And according to Jace its my "responsibility" to take care of the house since i quit my job, and that he shouldnt have to do anything concerning the house...but the way i see it is that sometimes i could really use his help with things. Specially since iv been sick lately and just havnt had the energy to do everything, but he doesnt think he should have to help...so im having to deal with that too lol.

So its Valentine's Day and Jace was really sweet to me this morning, he had to be at work at 8:30am for a meeting and that lasted about an hour. Then when he came home Makayla was awake and i was fixing her a bottle and he walked in with a hugh pink teddy bear and a dozen roses!!! And i love it when he does things like that, it makes me fall in love with him all over again. And he said that he has more planned for tonight when he gets off, because he had to be back at work at 1:00pm and work till close. So Makayla will be spending the night at Grandmas tonight so we can have a romantic evening, he said something about a candellit dinner...so im excited!
It makes me feel kind of bad though lol because i didnt have money to get him anything, but he said thats ok because there really wasnt anything he wanted, hes not a fan of box chocolate, doesnt have the want for a stuffed animal, and doesnt care about flowers lol. Last year i gave him 3 poems i wrote, and he still has them.

On another note, we did our taxes and are really excited because we will have enough money to pay off "all" our bills with our tax return! YAY! Just because were married, we get an extra $150, and just because im a homemaker we get an extra $300, and just because we had Makayla and get to claim her we get an extra $700! And since Jace had 3 different jobs last year lol (Starbucks, Staples, and AT&T) then we didnt really make that much money...i think in all it was around $1,350 lol so our tax return this year is going to be $5,128!!! How awesome is that?! Jace is also going to get me an iphone with that money too, because we only have about $1,000 of bills that will get paid off, and we have to fix his truck which will take about $600, and we have to pay off the truck which will take about $900, so that still leaves us with a good chuck of money. So he's going to get me and iphone and were thinking about using the rest of the money as a downpayment on either a house or at least an appartment! So im getting really excited about that.

And thats pretty much everything thats going on right now...
We have decided to put the wedding on hold, still all the same plans but were just pushing the date back, because we want to get our bills paid off and get in an appartment first...because those things are a little more important.

Ill be sure to keep you posted!

25 Random Things....Since iv never done this

1. My favorite drink in the world is Cream Soda.

2. I have 3 tattoos and plan on getting quite a few more.

3. My house is pretty messy a lot of the time, but im seriously trying to keep it clean, it just gets pretty hard because Jace doesnt think its his "responsibility" to help me clean the house, so i do almost everything on my own.

4. Iv been told im a great mother, but sometimes i really dont feel like i mesure up.

5. I had my first kiss at 15.

6. I have gotten drunk before and made out with another girl.

7. When i was little i used to poke my lips when i got tired and it would help me fall asleep, and i still do that now.

8. I plan on using some of my tax return to get me a new cell phone since mine got cut off months ago.

9. I hate to ride, i would much rather drive any day.

10. I plan on going to Macon State when Makayla turns a year old and getting my degree in Music Education.

11. It really REALLY pisses me off that my father-in-law can come into our house when were not home and do whatever he wants...im about to have a fit to move out.

12. If my mom or Jaces mom keeps Makayla over night and i have the chance, i will sleep till noon.

13. Im trying my hardest to get Jace to stick to a diet and go running with me every morning. His weight is really starting to get me concerned about his health.

14. It really upsets me that i cant have the wedding of my dreams just because Jace wants to spend his money on things for himself insead of my wedding.

15. I love to sing but i feel like i sound like shit.

16. Theres been many times recently where i will randomly start singing and dancing to Big City Beat...even in the middle of Walmart.

17. I know every word to The Little Mermaid.

18. Iv reciently realized that i dont really have a certain "style" its pretty much whatever mood im in depicts what i wear that day.

19. I really want to save up and get a boob job because i hate my boobs.

20. I cant sleep unless all the lights are off in my room.

21. I wouldnt change anything that has happened in my life, i love it and everyone in it.

22. I will admit that sometimes i can be a lazy person, but i still do more then Jace.

23. I need to go and get my pictures developed...i still have pictures on my camera of when my dad and I went to Jekell Island last May when i was 5 months preggo.

24. I dont like it when Jaces parents watch Makayla, i dont trust them when it comes to her.

25. I am a very self concious person...i have really low self esteem and im trying to work on that.

New Tattoos!!!

I got 2 new tattoos today!!! YAY! Lol But i talked to my mom like 8 times today because she kept calling me saying stupid shit like "It says in the bible that if you have tattoos then you go to hell", and "i think their trashy and everyone will think your a slut." And just silly things like that to try to talk me out of it lol, but i already made up my mind and i was gonna get them. She was just upset that i wanted more tattoos, because she doesnt like them...

Anyway! My first tattoo that i got today is my star on my arm made out of music notes....

And this one only took about 30 minutes and it didnt hurt like at all. I saw this design online and fell in love with it!

Then the other tattoo that i got is my on my neck and its just 7 simple music notes and i think its beautiful!....

I do think that my G clef could be a little fancier tho, like with a little bigger circle at the top...but i didnt want it very big and that would have made it a lot bigger...and this tattoo is also free handed so there was no stencil. All in all i love my tattoos!

And you know that now i have 3 total because i got that star on my back for my 18th birthday....

Jace also got 2 tattoos today! He got the word "Love" in red on his left arm and the word "Life" in red on his right arm...and both are in Hebrew....

These are not the last tattoos that i plan on getting, i also plan on getting a Trebel Clef in the middle of my back...and i plan on finishing the stars that i want to go up my back to my right shoulder...but i gotta save up for those! lol

Ceremony Site

Ok so i think i found the most beautiful spot in the world to have my wedding at. Its called Almost Heaven. It is on the top of a mountain in Gatlinburg Tennessee, this mountain faces the Smokey Mountains.

All the way up the mountain are these beautiful little cabins that can be rented out for the bridal party and grooms party, and in my case i will be using one of them for my reception because the place beside the ceremony site is way to expensive...$500.00 an hour!!! When i could use one of the cabins and pay $500.00 a night! Lol Then when you get to the very top of this mountain you park and your beside the building that could be used for the reception...then you walk behind that building and you see beautiful green grass and an archway, and a gazebo, and nothing but blue sky and an untouched beautiful side of the Smokey Mountains! It is amazing!

And these packages are really amazing...see iv been trying to put my wedding together to have it here in Macon and the church i chose wanted at least $500.00 just to rent and an extra $300.00 for the reception and an extra $150.00 for the janitor to clean after us. Then the florist wanted at least $300.00 for flowers. Then photographer wanted $1,800.00.

But the package that i want is the Sun Set Package where you get a complete ceremony (all decorations included) for up to 100 guests, a photographer to take as many photos as i want and the package comes with 20 5x7 photos, 3 8x10, and 1 16x20 canvas and you can add more if you want, a fresh bridal bouquet, a maid of honor bouquet, 2 bridesmaids bouquets, 5 boutonnieres, 2 mothers corsages and 2 nights lodging in one of the cabins. And you get all of this for $2,500.00! And i was going to use one of the larger cabins for my 2 nights lodging and reception (has room for 18 to sleep) so my bridal party can come up the day before the wedding (bridesmaids and groomsmen) and spend the night, and they can spend the night after the wedding...so its like a vacation for everyone! Lol

And i can also have them cater my reception for just $100.00 more.

So i think its perfect, now i do understand that many people might find it hard to travel that far just for a wedding...so i was thinking that it could just be a family thing but im also going to invite some show choir people too. And i know that my bridal party shouldnt have any objections in comming because they would get a weekend vacation! lol

I love it, tell me what you think!

I should just shut the fuck up.....

Ok so iv recently realized that im an extremely annoying person...and i guess iv known that for years, like ever since elementary school, i guess i was just hoping i would grow out of it but i really dont think i have or ever will.
I really dont understand how anyone can spend anytime with me and enjoy the time. I just never shut up, and all i talk about are stupid things too, i just feel so immature for my age, im really suprised that anyone likes me, but to be honest i dont think that many people do. Im immature, stupid, and dont shut up.
What started this was i was looking at some old pictures from school (just high school pics and show choir) and trying to get my guest list started for the wedding, but in every picutre that i looked at I just feel like i stood out and didnt fit in anywhere, even in show choir! And thats the first time iv ever felt like that with show choir! But i mean i just remember some of the conversations that i had with people back then and i just feel like they were stressed...with everyone. Like you know that person that you can hardly tolerate just being in the same room with, let alone when that person talks to you, you just want to quickly end the conversation because their so stupid you just really dont want to be talking to them...Well i feel like that person with everyone... with Morgan, Cady, even Trey. I just feel so annoying, like everything i say (no matter what it is) gets on everyones nerves.
Im really suprised that anyone would say that they want to come to my wedding, i just really dont think anyone cares.
And i dont know if im just in a bad mood or what, but i just really feel bad about myself. Like Trey used to always get on to me when i was taking voice from him because i would keep saying that i cant do something because i really cant sing...and of course he would say that i was crazy because if i couldnt sing then i wouldnt be in show choir, and i would feel a little better...But whatever was bringing me down then, is obviously still doing it now, because i still feel like i cant sing worth shit, and i feel like im one of the most hated people in the world and the ugliest...i dont even understand how Jace can stand me.
And i just cant stand that feeling! I keep telling myself that im stupid for thinking that but then that just makes me feel worse. I just really need someone (other then Jace) to talk to, to be able to confide in. Because i just feel so out of sorts, and out of the loop. I dont feel like im included in anything that goes on anymore with any of my friends. No one ever leaves me comments or messages just to say "hi", or "i miss you", its like they will do it for other people, but not me...and im like "ok well i guess no one misses me, not like im much to miss anyway." Maybe it has something to do with being so stressed from wedding planning...i dont know.
I just feel like i need to get away for a day or something. Like let my mom watch Makayla and give Jace a free day, and just go hang out with some friends...if i can actually find someone that i dont annoy.

Gown......

Ok so i just got back from David's Bridal...and i found the gown of my dreams!

Isnt it beautiful? Its a little poofier than what the pictures show becauses i tried it on again with a fluffier slip but didnt take pictures.

And i feel like this dress was ment for me. The only one that they had in store was my size! And its originally $1050.00. But until Monday its $300.00 off! So its only $750.00.

And since its my size in store they can put it on layaway for 25%. That means 25% of the total with the dress, bra, and extra poofy slip. Which the total plus tax is $950.16 give or take a few pennies. And 25% of that would only be $237.54.

And Jace gets paid tomorrow so i thought that i would be able to go back up there tomorrow and put my dress on layaway because they cant hold it unless we do that. And since they sell off the rack then if i dont hurry and pay that 25% and put it on layaway then someone else might get it. And if that happens then i will have to order the dress. Which means that i would have to pay the full price ($1050.00) up front(they dont do layaway for orders) before they can even order it...and it takes at least 18 weeks to order and recieve. And that would be to long. And it would take me about that long to just get up that much money!

So i came home and told Jace knowing that he would be able to give me the money tomorrow. But he said that since he was planning to take me to Atlanta for a romantic getaway next weekend that he cant give me the $237.54 so i could get the dress.....he says its just a dress and he cares more about taking me to Atlanta for the weekend than the wedding anyway!

He said that im selfish because i think that i deserve the dress of my dreams even though its not even that much....as long as i put it on layaway by monday night then all we will have to pay for the dress is $750.00 in all! And thats not that much for a wedding dress. But he would rather take me to Atlanta, he said its just a dress and i should just pick another one, because anyone that pays more that $100.00 for a wedding gown is crazy because they only wear it once.

Well i think he's crazy if he thinks that i can find a beautiful gown for just $100.00.

Its just not fair because i feel like this gown was ment for me because all i have to pay is $237.54 to be able to get the dress of my dreams!

But he wont give me the money....and thats the only dress that i truly feel happy in. But if we dont get it now then i wont get it because if he wont even pay $750.00 then i know he wont pay $1050.00!

Its just not fair, because if i dont truly feel happy with the dress that i buy then it will completely mess up the entire wedding...all i need is $237.54...i just have to find a way to come up with it.

Wedding planning

(Click on the pictures to make them bigger)

Ok so i found the wedding hair style that i want to do. Its the updo to the left and i think its beautiful. And i think that im pretty lucky because i have an aunt that does hair so im sure that she can do mine free of charge. And this color that im writing in will be the color of the bridesmaids dresses. My colors are pool and white.

Im getting really excited!! I love wedding planning its so much fun. And Morgan, thanks for telling me to go to weddingwire.com its extremely helpful!

And iv picked out 2 dresses. This is the dress that i would die to have!

The only thing is that it is an Allure Bridals dress and they have a store in Atlanta, but their website doesnt have prices, so i will have to go to Atlanta and try on the dress and see how much it will cost. And its probably going to be a good bit of money or at least thats what im guessing because it just looks like it would cost a lot.

The other dress that i picked is from Davids Bridal, and its really pretty too. Its a back up dress just in case the one at Allure is to expensive. I couldnt copy the picture the DavidsBridal.com had of their model wearing the dress but i found an ok picture of it on google. Its a little basic but thats what i really like about it. And its shinny, and you can never go wrong with that! lol

As for the wedding its self, we set the date for Saturday May 30th 2009. And its going to be an evening wedding. Were going to have the rehearsal dinner on Friday May 29th

And i have also picked the dresses that my bridesmaids will be wearing! Their at Davids Bridal too. I think my bridesmaids will look great in these. My MOH is Morgan and Cady and Angela are my other 2 bridesmaids. Now i just have to go to Davids Bridal and pick out the shoes that will look good with the dress.

So my hair will be free, and my cake is going to be free because my cousin makes wedding cakes for a living and shes not going to charge me for mine. And my other cousin is a perfessional videoagrapher and that will be free too. Now I just have to find a photographer, and a cateror...and a florist, and i have to find someone to do my makeup. And i have to find someome that can burn a CD with the songs i need on it, i already picked the songs i just need to put them on a CD.

And oh yea, i still have to make sure that its not to much money to do the ceremony at the Hay House...because i was also thinking its alreay January, and i dont know how popular the Hay House is for weddings, they might already be booked up for May. But if they are, i have a church in mind that would be good too.

SICK....

Ok so it is 4:45am on early Tueaday morning and i am up because i cant sleep...i have had a stupid cold all week and i feel like crap!

Im used to my stupid sinuses draining like almost every time the seasons change but this is different, this is an actual full blown cold!

You know that feeling where your head is really stopped up but at the same time your nose is running and you almost cant feel it running until it starts to come out of your nose... and it makes you feel like you have a fever but you dont...and i also have a bad cough because im so congested in my chest.

And just to top it all off, i lost my voice the other day, completely! Like i couldnt make a sound, and for anyone who knows me, its very difficult for me to just go a short period of time without saying something, so just think about the fact that i had to go almost a full 24 hours before at least a little bit of sound came back into my voice.

And it made me feel really bad too, i had to go a whole day not talking to Makayla, and that was really harder for me then anything else. I mean Jace plays with her for a bit but then he sets her in her boppy and lets her watch cartoons so he can do his own thing and if she doesnt whine, he could leave her there for hours...but i dont do that.

I usually make sure that i spend at least an hour playing with her before i set her down to play by herself. Unless she just wants to be put down, because shes getting to the point where she just wants to sit down and play with her theathing ring or little dolly. And then i dont let her sit there but for maybe an hour before i play with her somemore, i dont want her to just sit there, shes need to spend some time with us and get some tummy time too...

But anyways, Jace never really talks to her much, like when i change her i usually talk to her and tell her what im doing because its good for her to watch us talk it will make it easier for her to pick it up later, and also it entertains her. But when Jace changes her he doesnt say a word, or do anything to make her laugh. He doesnt do any of the things that i usually do, and it made me feel like that made her have a bad day since i couldnt talk...

I think i used up almost a whole freakin notebook the other day trying to talk to Jace and tell him what to do with her.

I felt like it was kind of scaring her too, like when i would hold her the other day because i usually talk to her and laugh with her and just spend time with her, but since i couldnt the other day then one of the times when i was holding her she looked at me and was just staring like she was thinking, "ok why are you not talking to me?"

And it made me feel so bad but then i felt a little better when i looked at her and smiled and she smiled back at me.

As for today, i have my voice back some, i still sound really squeeky, lol i sound like a boy when his voice changes. And it always worries me when i loose my voice, like im always afraid that when it comes back that ill be an alto! AHH! lol

But i still have a really stuffy head today and a really bad cough.

Im sure its just a stupid head cold from my sinuses draining, its not contagous but im still not getting in Makayla's face just to make sure. And im trying not to strain my voice any more then i have to.