Ok so iv recently realized that im an extremely annoying person...and i guess iv known that for years, like ever since elementary school, i guess i was just hoping i would grow out of it but i really dont think i have or ever will.
I really dont understand how anyone can spend anytime with me and enjoy the time. I just never shut up, and all i talk about are stupid things too, i just feel so immature for my age, im really suprised that anyone likes me, but to be honest i dont think that many people do. Im immature, stupid, and dont shut up.
What started this was i was looking at some old pictures from school (just high school pics and show choir) and trying to get my guest list started for the wedding, but in every picutre that i looked at I just feel like i stood out and didnt fit in anywhere, even in show choir! And thats the first time iv ever felt like that with show choir! But i mean i just remember some of the conversations that i had with people back then and i just feel like they were stressed...with everyone. Like you know that person that you can hardly tolerate just being in the same room with, let alone when that person talks to you, you just want to quickly end the conversation because their so stupid you just really dont want to be talking to them...Well i feel like that person with everyone... with Morgan, Cady, even Trey. I just feel so annoying, like everything i say (no matter what it is) gets on everyones nerves.
Im really suprised that anyone would say that they want to come to my wedding, i just really dont think anyone cares.
And i dont know if im just in a bad mood or what, but i just really feel bad about myself. Like Trey used to always get on to me when i was taking voice from him because i would keep saying that i cant do something because i really cant sing...and of course he would say that i was crazy because if i couldnt sing then i wouldnt be in show choir, and i would feel a little better...But whatever was bringing me down then, is obviously still doing it now, because i still feel like i cant sing worth shit, and i feel like im one of the most hated people in the world and the ugliest...i dont even understand how Jace can stand me.
And i just cant stand that feeling! I keep telling myself that im stupid for thinking that but then that just makes me feel worse. I just really need someone (other then Jace) to talk to, to be able to confide in. Because i just feel so out of sorts, and out of the loop. I dont feel like im included in anything that goes on anymore with any of my friends. No one ever leaves me comments or messages just to say "hi", or "i miss you", its like they will do it for other people, but not me...and im like "ok well i guess no one misses me, not like im much to miss anyway." Maybe it has something to do with being so stressed from wedding planning...i dont know.
I just feel like i need to get away for a day or something. Like let my mom watch Makayla and give Jace a free day, and just go hang out with some friends...if i can actually find someone that i dont annoy.
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2 comments:
aww sweetheart
I feel like this ALL the time
it's nit just you
and you don't annoy me at all
it's just so hard for us to talk because of how different our scheduals are.
but I'm really needing a friend right now too, I'm going through alot, and I really need someone I can talk to, and obviously you do too. So let's plan a phone date or something for soon! YOU ARE NOT ANNOYING!!
Trust me, we've all been there hon.
You do not annoy me Tiff. If you did I would ignore you haha And it's pretty clear that I'm not ignoring you silly! I'm sorry if I seem busy or distracted, I'm going to therapy twice a week and starting school on Tuesday so I'm just a little stressed but I think it's like that for everybody right now.
If you need to talk, you have the number, and if you don't well, we need to talk about that haha
I love you!
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